A guitar player we had way back in The Day would often mumble “because rules are bullshit” whenever he’d do something like stealing a bottle of bum wine at the store or smashing an object on the floor. We tried not to have any real rules in our wheeled pirate ship other than the one standing decree that gave the guy who did the most driving first dibs on the bench seat in the back if we all slept in the van. Initially there was a band prohibition against shoving headphones into your ears and listening to your iPod while we were driving and basically checking out. There were only three of us with a lot of miles full of redundant scenery. We’d shoot the shit and bond like we heard other bands talk about. Ken never followed that rule after the second or third day. He hated being away from home so it was probably just as well. Another custom was that all loose change was offered up to the cup holder for tolls. We also lit up a new cigarette at every state line. We played rock paper scissors to see who had to get out in the middle of the night or in a rain storm to pump gas and get shitty coffee. The driving was the worst part. Claustrophobia can set in. The longer we were gone from home and the scarcer money got between nights that had low turnout, the more we got on each other’s nerves. The more we got on each other’s nerves the worse it got when we drove and that’s how a lot of bands break up. It’s like moving in with a friend into a shitty one room apartment versus just having a friend. You find out how much you really like each other.
The destinations and the people there make all the driving worth it though. We took the stage in places called CBGB, North 6, The Mr. Roboto Project, Uncle Pleasants, Grant and Green, Red Door, The Sink Hole, The Stink Hole, Extreme Wheels, the Firehouse, Hi-Ho Lounge, Voodoo Lounge, Union, Circus, Double Down Saloon, Sea Level, Sudsy Malone’s, The Muse, The Sidebar, The Night Owl, The Overpass, Chief’s, Charlie’s, Barley’s and The Hoosegow. Most bars all look the same after a while. We did benefits at VFWs Union Halls, Last minute shows in basements and back yards and on flatbed trucks. Anywhere with an electric socket was fine with us. Some teenagers showed us a chasm that Evel Knievel jumped in Idaho. We played in somebody’s yard that afternoon and were the first band to come through in almost a year. The house was full of mounted animal heads that creeped me out. The glass eyes really do seem like they watch. We managed to have fun all the times in Las Vegas without gambling because we never had any spare money by the time we got there. We never wanted to leave San Francisco and almost didn’t.
My experiences with women on the road has been limited in number of girls but each one was worth the gaps of either loneliness or staunch fidelity. There were secret under blanket blowjobs and talks of long distance relationships that would never work. There were drinking games with Chicago girls who decided Aaron and I could sleep in their beds if we pledged to act like gentlemen. I tried, but my new friend was quite persuasive in demonstrating I need not pretend to be a gentleman. It wasn’t long before I was setting up more shows in Chicago and more sleepovers at her place. She was the first thing I fell in love with about Chicago. Every time the band would go out for a while, we’d end with a show in Chicago. Even when we weren’t on tour, I’d take the bus up from Columbus and spent a week or two going to baseball games at Wrigley Field or hitting up museums or something during the day and checking out clubs all over the city at night before voyaging back to her room for bad movies and great sex.
The van only had a tape player so sometimes we resorted to radio when we were tired of listening to “trapped inside the planet of the roller-skating bees” for the umpteenth time. Ken would put on the AM talk radio when he took his driving shifts so we could hear faceless voices of the talking heads on faux news explain how necessary the war was, how evil and socialist/communist/Muslim/illegal-alien… the president was or the important role the government needed to play when it came to vaginas because the liberals are using them to send the world straight to hell destroying one wholesome American family one abortion at a time. He hated that stuff but was immune from years of family reunions in West Virginia. Late at night if all the coffee or energy drinks I drank hadn’t worn off, someone would put on some Type O Negative or Blue Oyster Cult. I’d be asleep before the seven minute song intro ended. I think there must be a rooted hidden memory there from childhood because nothing makes me sleepier than a ride in the back of a car with slow moody music playing in the background. The further south we got, the longer we were followed by clerks in gas stations to make sure we weren’t stealing. The further south we got, the more we were told we sounded funny when we talked. The further south we got, the more the van stopped having a mysterious smell and started smelling like stale beer and gym class balls.
Missive Silo 